about me

My story as it relates to fitness could probably be summed up in 1 word……ROLLER. COASTER.  (ok, I guess technically that’s 2 words, lol)    Historically I have struggled with both obsessing over & neglecting my body.  I got pretty good at the world’s definition of ‘health’ mainly because of fear, pride, perfectionism & wanting to be accepted…….not because I wanted to glorify God.  I liked how it felt to ‘check the boxes’, and I liked how it felt to get attention.  You could say I generally enjoyed exercise (but really it was only because it made me look good), and when it came to food I actually did enjoy healthy ones but I struggled with overeating, stress eating (mainly sweets & breads) and yoyo’ing with diets and fads.  As I grew up I saw kids tease one another in middle school PE class & other settings. 

As a teen, I remember friends saying of random peers ‘wow, how could she let herself go like that?’ and we’d tell each other that if we ever saw one another getting fat, we’d say something to stop us from ‘going there’.  It was all about body image.  So much shaming.  It was like getting big was a disease to stay away from at all costs.  I ended up obsessing over it.  I wore a mask, and wanted so much to be liked.  And over the years, it only got worse – I would swing back & forth between loving & hating my body – depending on the season of life I was in.  Through the course of enduring a wide variety of life traumas, things had truly taken a toll on me and I’d allowed my identity to become wrapped up in soooo many lies.  And how did this translate into what I did with my body? …….you guessed it – obsess, neglect, obsess, neglect, repeat.  

Truth be told, I had made fitness an idol (a really big one too) – and didn’t even realize it until my journey with Revelation Wellness®.  I called it taking care of my temple – – – but I thought I was the master of my own temple.  I worshipped the created thing rather than the Creator Himself, and the house was a mess as a result.  (yep, that’s what happens when we try to do things in our own strength). 

But thanks be to God! He has brought such restoration & healing – in a multitude of ways.  In His all loving & faithful way, He has performed surgery on my broken heart & gently brought me back to Himself.  It has taken deep cleansing of wounds from my past to help me grasp my true identity in Christ and replace the enemies’ lies with God’s truth.  I realize now that I am HIS temple.  What I call ‘my’ temple is not my own at all.  My definition of fitness has changed.  I now know that fitness is not about my dress size, the numbers on the scale or how I look to others.  It’s not about me trying to control things by meticulously counting every single calorie I take in.  It’s not about me striving on my own to check any boxes or even exhaust myself trying to get my cholesterol or blood pressure numbers just right.  Now I know that I can’t leave Him out. 

When I release control and let Him guide my every decision & action, He takes care of me in the absolute best way possible.  He truly does want the best for us , and He sent His son Jesus to prove it. Fitness God’s way is not even really about the fitness – it’s about complete wholeness in mind, body, spirit & soul.  It’s about knowing Him intimately, enjoying Him and bringing Him glory.  It’s about loving & serving others well.  It’s about embracing humility and casting down pride, fear, guilt, shame & unbelief.  No more striving for perfection and running in chaotic circles of insanity.  It’s walking in His grace from a place of gratitude – no more obsessing & no more neglecting.  When we submit to Him, everything else falls into place as it should.  And we can have peace & joy in the process. What does Jesus have to do with fitness?  Absolutely everything!

Working out & eating well are now my get to’s & my worship.  I am a living testimony of His goodness & grace…..and today I move & live healthy from a place of joy & gratitude – knowing that I am truly Blessed To Move. Healthy & whole – from the inside out.  It’s because I’m grateful that I truly do now want to live out Romans 12:1 ‘Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God – this is your true and proper worship.’  It enables me to glorify God and love & serve others well.

Dear friend, I’m far from perfect & definitely don’t have it all figured out…..but these aren’t my goals anymore.  My perspective has changed.  We aren’t supposed to be perfect or have it all figured out – – instead, we are to rely on His strength, in every area of our lives – including how we treat our bodies.  Because we are His good creation and He loves us so much.  When we lean into Him & let Him guide us, it’s miraculous and it’s beautiful.  He’s such a loving Father. 

So do I have days where my flesh rises up?  Certainly.  But the actions of our flesh do not define who we are.  We are who God says we are –  and He says we are wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). When our flesh rises up in opposition to His good, perfect & pleasing will for us, in His strength we can cast down all pride, fear, guilt, shame and unbelief –  falling right back into His arms & letting Him love us back to life.  When we let Him love us & when we truly put our complete trust in Him, we fall more deeply in love with Him – and we grow stronger & get better.  This is a life of continuous growth – – – and never-ending love.  It’s a life of discipline & freedom.  (now who knew those 2 words could ever be used together in the same sentence?, lol)  How very kind of our God, right?    #sograteful